We're Doomed, Doomed I Tell You....
Received by: Email
T-N, I am not reassured by your reassurances regarding the comet that may hit Earth. When I saw your Comet animation I shat myself, twice. My fiancé is angry at having to scrub my gussets for the second time now. I'm not usually pessimistic but this thing has got me rattled, I don't mind telling you.
P.S.
Don't let everyone know about the shitting malarkey, that would be really embarrassing for my girlfriend Alison Stinkwater, 24 Neville's Place, Cockermouth
From:John.Darkness@paranoid.net.org.uk
Reply from Health Editor Gloria Buttocks MD
Dear John,
The site the comet link takes you to has more information regarding this. In fact had you bothered to scroll down the home page at Flash Universe, you could have read the update on the comet's chances of striking home.
Recommendation:
Consult a doctor about your squits, doesn't seem natural to us at the office. Secondly, regarding your P.S., read the disclaimer below, it clearly states we publish everything.
COMMENT - What A Complete Muppet ::
Email
Dear T-N,
I can't believe that John Darkness said those things about his girlfriend scrubbing his shitty gussets, what a muppet, bet she's not his girlfriend for long hey! Even dork's know that if you shit yourself you get your mother to wash them, that's what they are there for - that and for paying the broadband bills and scraping my bed sheets.
Lord_Slayer_Of_Neptune@PureFantacists.com
REPLY from Letters Page Editor Julie Turndyke ::
Dear Slayer,
Yes we all had a good chuckle at that one. However, you may have out done him yourself. What do you think readers? Send your vote to:
The Unbelievable Wally of the Week Award
Julie Turndyke
C/O Info@TwistedNews.co.uk
Who is the bigger tosspot:-
John Darkness - Shitty Pants
Lord Slayer (real name Sir Harvey Lynch-Pin Q.C., Buxted, Norfolk) - Plonker
Results in so far
Real International News from Around The World....
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