SINcerity at Tory Head Office
By T-N Political Reporter Ivor Rant
Michael, laughing his cock off yesterday
As the Tories unleash their manifesto on the electorate, much speculation still surrounds their sincerity regarding election pledges. Question marks still hang over leader Michael Howard and the voter’s perception of him.
Mr Howard clearly did not do himself any favours today, when asked about his apparent jocular mood; he replied he was still thinking about the old lady he knocked over yesterday and the extent of her injuries. Our reporter advised that many of the public might not find such an incident funny, Mr. Howard was
having none of it and responded that they would if, like he, they had seen her bloomers when she went arse over tit.
A hands-on man
During a speech earlier that day Mr. Howard interspersed his dialogue with many jokes, puns and witticisms aimed at Labour and the Lib Dems.
At one point the Tory leader was keen to demonstrate how he could reduce the economy, much the same way as one could reduce the size of a puppy dog, by applying increasing pressure until the point of rupture.
The blue rinse brigade howled with laughter and bayed for more.
mmmm, a 6lb 4oz one I'd say
On family values Howard was keen to stress that his party was the party of the family, not Labour. One only had to look at Blair’s offspring to see what he’s like at controlling youth, he said. He pointed out that under the last Tory Government children were pleasant and respectful.
The Tory leader then went on to unveil the latest poster with a self-denigrating image designed to win the mumsy vote
.
Flaming Howard yesterday
After the speeches Mr. Howard retired to the Graveside room for a rest and a pint of B negative. It was here that someone opened a blind to allow in some fresh air and inadvertently allowed sunlight to strike him. Mr. Howard, face bubbling and hair on fire, was last seen in a devil of a state heading for the underground passage.
Apparently John Prescott witnessed the flaming Barnet but did nothing, advising he had always said he wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire!
Last Updated::: 16-May-2007 17:06
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